Well, this book is a number one bestseller … but I wonder how many positive reviews it’s got, short of the puff pieces in the book and the helping-to-sell Stephen Fry quote on the front. I’d be really interested to hear from other people who’ve read it, because I had a very negative reaction to it and almost err on the side of finding it a bit dangerous. After all that opprobrium, I’m sharing some new books at the bottom of this post, at least …
Ruby Wax – “A Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled”
(22 May 2017)
Now, OK, I can’t have been desperate to read this because I did let it drift to the top of the TBR before picking it off, but I can imagine that a lot of people who are feeling vulnerable or anxious or indeed frazzled have picked this up. It says it’s a bestseller on the cover and I’m sure a lot of people will have picked it up, there’s also much talk about the Master’s in Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy which Wax has taken, so I was expecting something a bit more kind and a lot less harsh and, to be honest, crass than I got.
I want to say right now that of course it’s good to talk about mental health issues – and it’s fine to joke about them, too. Some people who have mental health issues reclaim various words that have been used negatively in the past to apply to themselves and that’s a thing and it’s fine. But I do think books like this have a duty of care and a duty to be consistent, and I didn’t find this in this book. Maybe others will. If it helps one person in one way, it’s obviously worth having, and I don’t begrudge that person the help they’ve received. I also appreciate that Wax is known as a brash and perhaps crass character who – as she says in the book – uses humour to shore up her own worries about her shortcomings. But the tone of the book comes over as cynical and mean.
Now, I don’t mind a bit of robustness. I’m enjoying Bruce Springsteen’s book and he’s just admitted he’s mislaid his knowledge of whom he lost his virginity to in the “fog of battle”. But he’s not writing a self-help book. And there’s a duty of kind, perhaps. A duty of compassion.
I’ve agonised about whether to share some of these quotes. Wax does not bring her kind words. She uses the word “moron” a lot and I didn’t think that was a word we used. She describes being worried that an academic will think she’s “brain-damaged”, as a joke. Um. There’s a terrible bit of crassness, well, I’ll share this because it’s not being horrible about people in psychiatric institutions …
If you’re in an emergency situation, happiness is more elusive. I’d just like to remind you that I realize I’m only addressing about 5 per cent of the people in the world in this book: those who have enough food in their mouths, and clothes on their backs. Most people on this globe don’t have the time to contemplate happiness; whether they live or die is just a flip of a coin.
So far, fair enough. But then she continues …
I apologize to them – not that they’d be reading this book, but if they happen to be using some of the pages to build a fire and read any of this … I’m sorry. (p. 29)
Well, I’m sorry, too – I just don’t find that funny.
She has one core statement in the book that chimed with me. Here it is:
My definition of mindfulness is noticing your thoughts and feelings without kicking your own ass while you’re doing it. (p. 35)
A lot of the rest of the book tells us why mindfulness is good for us and all the things it can help with or cure (quite a scary list if you’re in the middle of something you need the mindfulness for). There’s always a lot of self-justification in self-help books of any kind, but it gets quite repetitive and then plays to some of the clichés – that there are areas in the brain that light up when you think about something (it’s not that simple). She is trying to simplify and she says that – but who let her use her own drawings of the brain when there are perfectly decent diagrams to be had?!
And yes, you can’t get away from the fact that she mocks people who have been resident in clinics and psychiatric wards. Even though she includes herself, it feels nasty. “We need a sense of self for three things: self-reflection, consistency and identity. (It would be terrible if you thought you were Napoleon, as some do; but they’re locked away.)” (p. 67); “I only found my people when I was institutionalized; I felt understood and safe even with the ones who set their hair on fire and claimed that Norman the Conqueror was passing them secrets” (p. 135). She talks a lot about having compassion for yourself but this really undermines that, to my mind.
Then there’s the cynicism – she offers quite a good model for dealing with marital arguments in her section on relationships, then immediately undermines it: “I have never succeeded in this particular exercise, and I don’t think anyone has” (p.147). Why include it, then? I was genuinely confused. There’s also a section detailing a depression she went through which I think was supposed to illustrate how her new clarity helped her deal with it and recover faster – but a) it felt self-indulgent and b) it underlined the idea that depression will come back and get you and you’ll just have to ride it out, which isn’t fantastically helpful as far as I’m concerned.
The actual six-week programme she promises is 40 pages of quite basic ideas about grounding, work with the senses and some elementary yoga that is hard to follow without illustrations if you don’t already do yoga. I think that’s a bit of a rip-off, to be honest. There’s then a chapter on relationships, which I read and was cynical, and ones on children and babies and older children which I have to admit I didn’t read.
It wasn’t for me. I really hope it’s helped some people and I really hope it hasn’t harmed anyone. I’m not sure what else to say. I was really disappointed as I do find value in the mindfulness experienced in my yoga classes and some things I brought out of a mindfulness running book I read a while back (see review here).
Ooookayy. Let’s get back to reading confessions. Well, first of all I’m greatly enjoying Bruce Springsteen’s autobiography, “Born to Run” and I’m reading “Souvenir” by Rolf Potts on the Kindle, which is about the history and meaning of souvenirs and is also really good so far.
“This Cold Heaven” by Gretel Ehrlich is a book about seven seasons in Greenland which came highly recommended on Bookish Beck’s blog. I’d popped it in my Amazon basket and then when I went to pre-order a book about US and UK English, there it was and I bought it with an Amazon voucher my parents-in-law had given me. It looks as good as I’d hoped. I’m a bit obsessed with Greenland (not as much as I am with Iceland).
Chase F. Robinson’s “Islamic Civilisation in Thirty Lives” is sitting here with its paperwork inside because it’s a review copy for Shiny New Books. It’s apparently a very accessible journey through the early figures in Islam and, as is suitable for a Thames and Hudson book, has some lovely illustrations. I have to read it for May, which is fine.
I’ve also won two books on NetGalley (bringing my reviewed books ratio down to 79%, oh no!). “Oh my God, what A Complete Aishling” is a comedy novel by Emer McLysaght and Sarah Breen which came with an enthusiastic recommendation by Marian Keyes. It’s a country girl goes to the big city novel and unfortunately isn’t out till 03 May and can’t be reviewed until a week before, so won’t fit in to Reading Ireland Month. “The Lido” by Libby Page” is an uplifting novel about a community of women coming together to save an outdoor swimming pool and is meant to be a feel-good read and the next big thing. It comes out on 19 April so I’ll try to start it next month.
Have you read any of these or got them lined up? Have I been too hard on Ruby Wax and missed the point?
BookerTalk
Mar 12, 2018 @ 23:49:28
Going for cheap jokes which reinforce attitudes to people with multiple personality disorders undermines her credibility. Those comments were not even funny.
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Liz Dexter
Mar 13, 2018 @ 06:18:00
That’s the thing. There were some vaguely amusing moments but rather ironically, it was too rushed and jumpy to be much use for the calm of mindfulness!
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BookerTalk
Mar 15, 2018 @ 16:14:56
the cynic in me would say it was an attempt to cash in on the popularity of mindfulness….
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Liz Dexter
Mar 15, 2018 @ 16:33:02
Yup. Watch out for her hygge book next or whatever that other newer Scandi thing is!
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BookerTalk
Mar 15, 2018 @ 17:51:42
It’s trogging I think. Picking up trash while jogging…..
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kaggsysbookishramblings
Mar 13, 2018 @ 06:51:13
I think my reaction would have been exactly the same as yours – sounds like the book is a total misfire and offensive to boot.
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Liz Dexter
Mar 13, 2018 @ 07:47:13
Thank you for the validation. It’s a real shame as I know it’s sold a lot of copies and I really hope it doesn’t do any damage. Now, Bruce does use the odd “archaic word” but his book is written from the heart and is raw and open and honest. Wax actually complains about the writing process within the book!!
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Jan Carr
Mar 13, 2018 @ 08:54:14
Oh My Goodness! Ruby Wax I certainly do not want to read now so I can’t really comment. I value your opinions sufficiently to let them influence me not to even try this one. It looked considerate and honest and made me think “Why bother?” so I won’t thank you all the same.
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Liz Dexter
Mar 13, 2018 @ 08:59:14
I thought long and hard about what I wrote because I don’t want to stop someone being helped by the book. But it just seemed so unhelpful I decided to warn people!
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Rebecca Foster
Mar 13, 2018 @ 10:28:58
I think I would have responded similarly to Wax’s style. Humour can be used to leaven books about serious subjects, but not when it has a nasty edge. Matt Haig’s Reasons to Stay Alive was well aimed, with just a bit of a self-deprecating attitude; I didn’t myself find it helpful, but I know many have.
Hope you enjoy Ehrlich’s book on Greenland. It was a slow read for me — nearly two months, I think — but I thought it was exquisitely written.
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Liz Dexter
Mar 13, 2018 @ 10:31:33
Thank you, I’m sure her roughness will appeal to some but it bothered me. I haven’t read the Haig but have heard he’s a lot more compassionate.
I’m looking forward to the Greenland book. We’re vaguely considering a non-Iceland Scandi holiday this year and I think it will be a good one to take along for travelling and long chunks of holiday reading.
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Rebecca Foster
Mar 13, 2018 @ 10:45:26
We’re considering Sweden in September, but only if my husband can finish his PhD before then! (You wouldn’t actually consider going to Greenland, would you?! I enjoyed my armchair tour there, but it sounds a dreadful experience.)
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Liz Dexter
Mar 13, 2018 @ 10:47:58
Good God, no – too terrifying for me! All those polar bears and getting snowed in for months and falling through the ice and walruses and blizzards!
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Rebecca Foster
Mar 13, 2018 @ 10:52:43
Indeed. Fun to read about, though!
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Rosepoint Publishing
Mar 13, 2018 @ 14:18:20
Whoa! Awesome insightful review and no don’t think you were too hard on Wax. I agreed with all your points. Excellent!
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Liz Dexter
Mar 13, 2018 @ 14:37:38
Thank you – it was good to know I wasn’t the only one. Now to find a really GOOD book on mindfulness!
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FictionFan
Mar 13, 2018 @ 14:47:05
I don’t really understand why celebrities think they have insight into things they’ve no training in, and, being honest, I’ve never understood why people turn to books like this for advice rather than seeking professional help. Having a mental illness doesn’t make someone an expert in mental illness any more than having cancer qualifies them to be an oncologist. I too hope no one is harmed by this or all the other scam books out there.
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Liz Dexter
Mar 13, 2018 @ 14:50:01
She does say she has a Master’s in Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy, as I say at the start of the review, and she does use experts to explain some of the principles, but then takes it upon herself to explain things and simplify them, which is a bit dangerous in my opinion! She says the content was reviewed by her university supervisor … At least the one I read on mindful running, which was a bit odd, was written by a medical practitioner.
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Ste J
Mar 15, 2018 @ 02:16:57
This Cold Heaven looks really good, not enough is written about Greenland, it’s a strange and fascinating place. The struggles of the Dane’s (I believe) who tried to live there is exceedingly interesting.
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Liz Dexter
Mar 15, 2018 @ 07:44:49
I’ve read a few books featuring Greenland but can never get enough. The Icelanders went there first and then the Danes settled it and it’s now an autonomous consituent country within the Kingdom of Denmark, whereas Iceland is independent.
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Ste J
Mar 17, 2018 @ 03:59:45
That’s the one, Jared Diamond talks about it in his book Collapse, amongst other peoples.
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Liz
Mar 16, 2018 @ 10:01:13
oh dear, this is a worry. I completely agree with you that it is right, indeed essential, for mental health issues to be highlighted and discussed. But not if they are trivialised and made fun of. My previous impression of Wax’s work in this area has been that she sincerely wishes to use her own experiences and learning to help others. Let’s hope this book does not set back and damage those aspirations.
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Liz Dexter
Mar 17, 2018 @ 06:59:15
I think she does mean to, but the tics of her personality (which she is very open about as a coping strategy) for me, anyway, got in the way of the important messages. I’m lucky to have my yoga classes where we often do mindfulness exercises in one of them, which are similar to some of the stuff in here.
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heavenali
Mar 17, 2018 @ 12:13:19
Oh dear, I think I would have thought the same about this book. I’ve never been sure about Ruby Wax, I think I want to like and cheer her on, but I think I imagine what I would feel if I met her. Overwhelmed no doubt by the force of her personality. Some of the language she uses would clearly be very offensive to lots of people.
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Liz Dexter
Mar 17, 2018 @ 18:50:23
I think you would. It’s a shame because she means well and obviously aims to help people, but it’s just not great.
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My Mashed Up Life
Mar 21, 2018 @ 16:01:21
Ruby Wax’s latest book, How To Be Human, is much, much better… https://mymasheduplife.com/2018/03/06/my-body-my-mind-ruby-wax/
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Liz Dexter
Mar 22, 2018 @ 08:27:56
Thanks for the link to your notes about that one. I’m not sure I’d rush out to buy it still as I don’t think her style meshes with how I like to read about things, hopefully she’s cut down on the shaming the institutionalised thing in this one.
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silverbuttonbooks
Nov 06, 2021 @ 23:49:48
This is so insightful and I’m glad you brought my attention to all these issues!
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Liz Dexter
Nov 07, 2021 @ 07:44:55
Thank you – I’m glad you popped over and found this useful!
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