This one didn’t feature in my original Pile as I thought I was going to read “The Three Miss Kings” as part of 20BooksofSummer and All Virago (etc.) / All August. Then I realised August was Women in Translation month AND this was the only book in translation I had on my bookshelf, AND it’s published by The Women’s Press therefore suitable for inclusion in All Virago (etc.) AND I could then save “The Three Miss Kings” for Australian Lit month in November …
Marianne Grabrucker – “There’s a Good Girl: Gender Stereotyping in the First Three Years of Life, a Diary”
(22 October 2019 – presumably bought second-hand online when I realised I couldn’t find my original copy)
I was reminded of this book, which I owned, but presumably lent out at some point, when I read the excellent “The Gender Agenda“, a modern book which built on the idea of examining gender stereotyping and gender policing. I had read it a couple of times before so got hold of a replacement copy.
A child is born. A new woman has arrived. And her future is going to be different.
This is the opening of the book, and is very powerful, although it’s a moot point as to how different her future was. Translated by Wendy Philipson with useful footnotes on some aspects of German life and culture, this is the classic text on observing raising a girl from pregnancy to three years old, looking at conscious and unconscious gender bias which is introduced into the girl’s life.
The Introduction states what she intended to do and what happens and also interrogates contemporary thought on the presence or not of innate gender differences – as the introduction to the third edition, it also talks about the book’s reception in the 18 months since it was first published. It mentions the new translation and wonders what the British response will be. I have no idea when this book first came to my attention: probably not long after it was published in 1988 and I would have been lured by The Women’s Press on the spine.
Grabrucker picks up on her own stereotyping behaviour (most noticeably, I think, the fact that because she is not interested herself in engineering and technology, she doesn’t react to or encourage her daughter’s interest in machines and vehicles) as well as others’. Her partner and Anneli’s father is not mentioned much unless he directly interacts with the child and her friends, because it’s an intensely personal work, I suppose.
Unlike in “The Gender Agenda” which is about a brother and sister, there is just Anneli, so her childhood experiences are compared with those of friends’ boys and other girls, and there are also some interesting passages when Anneli has short hair and “passes” as a boy and the different reactions from people who encounter her. Also interesting is that Anneli defines herself as being a boy when doing active and strong tasks, and talks about growing up to be a boy, although there’s no mention of any gender issues and she’s still defined as being her “daughter” in her teens on a website I found.
Grabrucker is really good at bringing out the unconscious bias inherent in the most liberal of parents who think they are raising their children in a non-gender-biased way. Later in the book there are some fascinating moments when people change tack, usually because they have read and discussed the diary in detail and have become more aware of the tiny moments and behaviours that children pick up on.
It’s rather sad to read in the Epilogue that Grabrucker did not have time to continue to make all these detailed and rather beautiful observations once she’d returned to her legal work. There is a call to start a new gender approach with boys to allow a change in the relationship between the sexes, something that’s echoed in “The Gender Agenda” with its critique of practices of toxic masculinity.
There’s a New Statesman article about the relationship between this book and “The Gender Agenda” here. I found Ms Grabrucker’s website but there’s no information on what happened next, somewhat frustratingly.
This was Book 17 in my 20 Books Of Summer project and the only book I have read for Women In Translation Month.
Tredynas Days
Aug 24, 2020 @ 08:50:45
It’s surely impossible to bring up a child in a gender neutral way: as soon as it (and family) interact with others – nursery, park, neighbours, etc., other ways of being will be reinforced. I used to teach a ‘language and gender’ topic on a linguistics course – another (related) fascinating area.
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Liz Dexter
Aug 24, 2020 @ 08:59:33
But even in the home, she and all the other people who thought they were being gender-neutral were in fact not being so at all, and she only realised through this close observation. Language and gender are fascinating, and I get to discuss that with clients quite a lot in my editing work.
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Claire 'Word by Word'
Aug 24, 2020 @ 09:27:53
Unconscious bias is always interesting when we become aware of it, and successive new youth will continue to bring it out in older generations, along with those who make a study of it. I find it interesting to observe that which people attach to and that which they resist, as experiences change and evolve and normalise and the necessary corrections are made to prevent toxic, harmful behaviours against others.
I hope you find some more works by women in translation now that you’ve read the one that was on your shelf!
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Liz Dexter
Aug 24, 2020 @ 09:31:07
I had a strict policy this year and last to only join in with challenges where I could use a book from my TBR shelf, to avoid acquiring even more new books! So roll on Aus Lit Month in November which I have one for, and non-fiction November, which won’t be lacking in material, and hopefully I’ll have some more WIT before next August …
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Claire 'Word by Word'
Aug 24, 2020 @ 09:34:20
WIT Month is the only challenge I have ever participated in, since it began, so I’ve accumulated some excellent reads along the way, and was happy to only read from my shelves this year, plus one ebook that was offered free during the UK lockdown. Though I’ll probably continue reading them after August, now that I have encountered so many excellent authors.
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Liz Dexter
Aug 24, 2020 @ 09:38:24
I don’t do that many, but I usually try to do Aus Lit and I always do All Virago / All August though adding other publishers who reclaim lost women writers, and then Non-Fiction November I started doing last year and really enjoyed it. I suspect I do read other translated women during the year and forget to save them up for August!
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Claire 'Word by Word'
Aug 24, 2020 @ 09:43:14
I love following all the challenges though and getting all the great recommendations, so ever grateful to those who do participate and it provides the motivation to bring certain books out of hiding for reading.
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Pink Roses
Aug 24, 2020 @ 10:53:07
I have a grandson and a granddaughter, brother and sister and they are utterly different in every stereotypical way. My daughter and her husband made a huge effort to avoid this but it seems that nature will out!
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Liz Dexter
Aug 24, 2020 @ 11:00:47
This author’s assertion is that it’s a) unconscious biases and b) community bias and gender-policing; it’s an interesting discussion for sure. I like the suggestion in both books that toxic masculinity is actually the thing that needs to be addressed.
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kaggsysbookishramblings
Aug 24, 2020 @ 11:35:24
Sounds fascinating Liz. It’s so hard to fight the gender stereotypes, as they’re embedded into the capitalist structures so much. We tried with ours and they did find their own level. And I don’t think any of them fit into society’s expectations, so that’s something!
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Liz Dexter
Aug 24, 2020 @ 11:46:24
Yes, indeed. And well done you and them!
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whatsnonfiction
Aug 24, 2020 @ 11:51:22
This sounds like such an important study. Fantastic review, thanks for the thorough introduction to it!
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Liz Dexter
Aug 24, 2020 @ 12:00:42
It’s excellent and I was so pleased the Gender Agenda people spoke about it too. Very well worth reading if you can find a copy.
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MarinaSofia
Aug 24, 2020 @ 12:20:20
Such a fascinating subject! I did my best to be as gender neutral as possible with my sons – especially the first (ran out of time with the second). I opted for bright colours in clothes that could have been either boys or girls (Scandinavian baby clothes are much better for that, incidentally), offered them toys and games for either gender etc. And he did love his pink baby doll, Minnie Mouse, the theatre (singing and dancing) and wanted to have his toe nails painted when I painted mine, while also knowing all about dinosaurs, space, and playing with tools and toy cars. Just a happy, well-rounded child. (His father was a bit uncomfortable with this, but since I was the one spending most of the time with the children, it was possible to discount his opinion.) Unfortunately, once he started school, that all changed and stereotypes started coming to the fore.
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Liz Dexter
Aug 26, 2020 @ 06:43:22
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I think you’d like the book, as the relationship with the husband is rather similar!
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heavenali
Aug 24, 2020 @ 16:25:09
What a fascinating book for #Witmonth. I think those gender stereotypes are really so ingrained that bringing children up without them is hard. I think it must be much easier in those early years before a child enters nursery /school. Manufacturers don’t help with their choice of colours and patterns on anything and everything aimed at children and children’s bedrooms.
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Liz Dexter
Aug 26, 2020 @ 06:44:16
Hopefully the push-back against marketing and branding will start to help one day. It was a fascinating re-read and I’m glad I got myself a copy (now to shelve it and immediately find my original one …)
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